Monogamous? Polyamorous? Or maybe just monogamish?

Couple of Secrets monogamish

Monogamous? Polyamorous? Or maybe just monogamish?

As explained in one of our previous posts, we do not consider ourselves full swingers.

Sure we like to experiment sexually, but we would never consider closed-door swinging between us. Our relationship is definitely not open and we are allergic to the idea of polyamory. At the same time, as it becomes clear through our blog, we cannot claim with our hand on our heart that we are monogamous either. So, what are we? Let’s just say we are …monogamish.



from the Ancient Greek mono (single) and gameo/ gamo (to copulate or, by extension, to marry)

and the English suffix -ish (after the manner of, like, having the characteristics of)

=State where one copulates exclusively with a single partner. Mostly.





New times, new terminology: monogamish

The term monogamish was introduced a couple of years ago by sex columnist, Dan Savage, referring to the arrangement he has with his long-term partner. Monogamish (see etymology above) includes a wide variety of non-monogamous relationships, in the broader sense of the word: from polyamory, open relationships, swinging and anything in between. On that scale, we hover somewhere between soft swinging and full swapping.

Contrary to common belief, monogamish couples are characterised by a higher degree of trust. They are also more concerned about breaching agreements than traditional monogamous couples.

Note: Ironically, the more you open up your relationship, the more you find yourself discussing sex outside the relationship rather than actually having it. And rightly so: monogamish couples cannot afford not to talk about sex.


“Monogamous couples have sex. Monogamish couples mostly talk about it.”

Couple of Secrets monogamish


Wondering how a monogamish couple sounds like?

Sunday morning at the market some weeks ago

– Oh, Aliki, I didn’t tell you. Rod and Jessy sent us a message on Kik to wish us a happy New Year.

-Rod and Jessy who, Xander? Do we need potatoes for the fries tonight?

-No, just some salad for me please tonight, Aliki! Remember that couple we met through MadameO and who happened to be at the sex party last year?

-Mmmm, still not sure who you mean, Xander… Give me another hint… And the kids will insist on the fries!

-(whispering) The guy with the cock ring and the wife with the long black hair, who squirted on the floor?

-Oh, yes, I remember you telling me of the squirting incident, but I never saw it happening! But I see who you mean now.

-My God, it was so impressive, I’ve never seen such quantity of liquid coming out of a woman. Not being a golden shower, I mean.

-I’ll believe it when I see, Xander. Squirting is a real mystery to me. And frankly, I don’t know if I am particularly tempted either. Let’s get some cucumbers as well, they look so fresh and tasty!

– Well, she certainly seemed to be enjoying it… We can ask Josh to try it on you next time around. He had set his mind on it last time we met at that club. Remember, the one that took only cash, where we had to empty our pockets to find 40 euros for the entrance?

-(Laughing) Hilarious…. I remember fishing out coins off the bottom of my bag to collect the last 2 euros and the girl at the reception looking at us wide-eyed.

-Yes, I remember her, she was really sweet! I bet she would have even let us in without the full amount!

-Of course, she would, she was particularly attentive and warm with you, Xander! And you were all smily and flirty with her, poor thing, she didn’t stand a chance! She was totally charmed!

-Pfff, seriously, Aliki? We were there to have sex with another couple and you minded the reception girl smiling at me? And don’t point that cucumber at me!

That’s different, Xander! The fooling around we are doing together. And the limits are clear. I trust Josh and Mary, they are nice people.

-Yeah, Josh respects boundaries, I appreciate that he always makes sure to ask beforehand. I feel comfortable with him around you.

-I like Mary too, she is hot. Although she can get quite scary at times.

-Yeah, I know what you mean, she is flamboyant. And provocative. I don’t know how to go about her sometimes.

-Josh is super nice: he is polite and interesting. But there is something about him that puts me off physically. I think it’s his natural body odor. I mean, it’s not like other guys really turn me on, it’s always the interaction with you that matters to me. But he actually turns me off.

-I don’t want you to get turned on by other men, Aliki!

-I don’t care about other men, baby.

-Are you sure, love?

-Of course, baby. What I enjoy is us playing together.

-Would you tell me if you wanted to fuck another guy?

-I would. But I don’t. I am not interested in other guys.


“Is it adultery if I’m committing it at one end of a guy and he’s committing it at the other end of that same guy?”

                                                                                                      Dan Savage



-You know, Xander, now that I am thinking of it, the perfect couple for us are Dan and Cindy. She is sexy and playful, he is respectful and fun.

-Do you like him?

-I don’t mind him.

-Would you want to fuck him?

-Frankly, I don’t even remember how he looks like, Xander. I just remember not worrying about him. It’s her I fantasise about. Going down on her, lying down with her on top of me. Opening her legs for you. That’s what I fantasise about.

-I don’t need to fuck anybody else, Aliki. If you’d ask me to do it, I’d do it and be excited about it, but I don’t need to. I fantasise about sitting you on top of him. One day I will find the courage to do it…


Photo credit: Romain Vignes on Unsplash & Daria Shevtsova on Pexels



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