Couple fights and sex – making out and making up
Couple fights suck but are a part of any long-term relationship. How do they affect your sex life?
Today I don’t want to write about sex. Or at least not directly. I feel like writing about the other thing that couples do often in real relationships: fighting. After all, this is an authentic blog about our life as a couple and not a display of carefully selected sex episodes. You have been warned!
Couple fights and sex
Well, Aliki and I had a fight a few days back. Being both of Southern European origins, when we quarrel, our disputes can get pretty spectacular. There’s gesticulating aplenty, a great number of superlatives, some impressive banging and even a few dramatic walkouts -or hang-ups if they happen over the phone.
This tiff contained none of that. But being low on the theatrics did not make it any lighter. After all, it is empty vessels that make more sound, which makes the quieter receptacles the more dangerous ones.
This was your typical recurring argument between two partners that have been together for some years. You know, that groove in which the rut gets occasionally stuck? Do you have that? A topic that keeps rearing its head in myriad ways and never seems to truly settle? If you don’t, please send me an email, I need to know how you managed!
With this kind of low-burst, high-intensity squabbles, the fallout is longer and sex, of course, suffers. See? It didn’t take me long to get to the S-word.
Fighting with love and sex
I love Aliki with all my heart and there isn’t a single shred in me that is not convinced that she is the love of my life. Even when talking to her feels like I am trying to dig a tunnel into the hardest of Alpine granites, I am always conscious of my love for her. More than conscious, I am keenly aware of it. So many times, I feel like telling her “You idiot! If only you knew how much I loved you!”
Truth is that she knows, and she feels the same about me. Our love is never in doubt when we have our disputes and this is a very important point. There are a number of basic principles that our disagreements never put in doubt: our love for each other and our loyalty are two of them.
Sex, though, doesn’t fall within that category. It is vulnerable to couple fights.
Disputes and sex
Sex between us is as natural as breathing and eating. There is no effort involved and, with particular exceptions, it is very regular. Exactly because of that reason, though, it becomes trickier after these occasional disputes. You can only eat if your stomach feels fine and breathing when having the flu is more laborious. Same with our sex.
We don’t punish each other with sex. Never. It is a terrible attitude that simply doesn’t fit with our idea of what a healthy relationship is. But I would be lying if I told you that when we fight, our sex-life remains untouched.
I can only show Aliki my true self. I don’t even have a choice, really. If I try to hide my feelings, she ferrets them out simply with a glance. And, let’s face it, when you are upset -even if you try to stamp out the fire as quickly as possible- you cannot bring yourself to be all lovey-dovey.
For these last two days, we have been in this state: me brooding and pensive in my man-cave and Aliki quiet and preoccupied around the fire outside. Not a great formula for sex.
But I accept it. It’s part of the joyride that is our love life and I know that slowly, as things settle, we will get back to our normal rhythm.
What comes after
Actually, if past experiences offer any guarantee, we will get closer. Each one of us will have had time to reflect on the issue, we will probably have another talk, and we will even get an inch closer to each other than we were before.
When that happens, our sex actually improves. Our love for each other and our happiness at having found our mojo back give our sex-life and sweeter dimension. If you have fought, made up and made out with the love of your life you know exactly what I am talking about. And if you don’t, I suggest you try it… start planning your next squabble.
Sex and disputes
In all honesty, I am not sure whether this current dispute is the chicken or the egg. It so happens, that due to some minor health issues, Aliki and I have had to stay away from full sex for over a week – doctor’s orders.
It’s like being diabetic with a sweet tooth and they put you in a pastry shop and order you not to touch. WTF?
Now, I have noticed it several times before, that many of our bigger fights have fallen in those rare moments where we have had to abstain from sex. Could this be?
I think that the lack of physical intimacy makes both Aliki and I edgy. I guess our relationship becomes like highly-flammable scrubland after a particularly dry spell.
Couple fights: Sex as the solution
In the above scenario, sex is also part of the solution.
I am not saying that after one bout of sizzling hanky-panky our differences are settled. What I mean is that having sex in these moments, satisfies our needs and, more importantly, replenishes our intimacy.
Sex after a fight can help us connect on the physical level and that connection serves as a conduit that makes communicating easier. Often, it paves the way for calmer and more fruitful discussions.
Not surprisingly, this kind of sex is usually more aggressive than the intimate look-me-in-the-eye make-love. It often involves spanking, hard-fucking, grabbing by the neck and steely verbal exchanges.
That’s fine. We wouldn’t want it any other way. Our sex is a way of communicating, and since we cannot lie to each other, it captures the essence of how we feel. It never gets violent, of course, and we never hurt each other verbally or physically -unless it’s specifically demanded!
Making out and making up
I am not sure how this will pan out. As luck would have it, our dispute took place on the last day of our medical abstinence and our fight has extended that by another 48 hours. Now we’re in one of those grey areas which I cannot quite fathom.
But even while writing this, I feel pretty confident that this restraint won’t go further than tonight. By tomorrow morning, I should know which of the two scenarios above is correct.
Then perhaps, just perhaps, I will tell you…
Do you find that couple fights influence your sex life? Or is it the other way around? And most importantly, how do your makeup and make out? Send me an email!
Photo credits: Pixabay and Pexels.