Dating another woman | Uncharted territory
Me dating another woman has been a fantasy of Xander and myself for some time now. We fantasise about it during sex, obviously, but the fantasy does not remain only in the bedroom. It’s a fantasy I know I want to fulfil at some point. So much so that I recently got registered on a bisexual dating site to try my luck.
Dating another woman – can our sexual space take it?
Xander knew about my plans beforehand, of course, and was delighted to hear I had decided to take the fantasy out of the realm of our imagination. Quite understandably, he gets turned on by the idea of me dating another woman. On the condition that it wouldn’t happen too often and that he would be aware of it. I appreciate that; I would be worried if he was totally cool with me having a parallel relationship -even if the third person is a woman. We consider this just another common adventure in our sexual space, not a search for a missing element from our relationship. I am glad that Xander feels secure enough to enjoy the excitement of the process.
“So, what will you do if the blond woman you liked writes back, Aliki?”
“Well, ask her out for a drink, I guess? I don’t want to spend too much time chatting online…”
“And then what?”
I don’t know to be honest. I don’t have specific expectations, there is no real plan in my head. When it comes to lust and seduction, I function very much on impulse. I like to test my limits. Short of having to bear a date with someone who either causes me aversion or bores me to death, I don’t care. I might just have a chat and a couple of drinks with her, like I would have had with any female colleague or friend. I realise this is not the actual goal of the exercise. I would hope there’d be some chemistry and some flirting. Possibly even a one-night stand. But these things come as they come.
The hurdle of Internet dating
My problem is I am not big on internet dating. It’s a necessary evil to me. The web brings you in contact with an abundance of people fulfilling a particular set of criteria. Because frankly how many bisexual women aged 35-45, not in search for a full-time relationship, can I hope to meet at any given time in my city going out max once per week simply relying on serendipity? Most of the times with my partner on top of it? Let’s just say that it would take a great deal of serendipity to meet a like-minded woman.
Then again, the internet does away with the one crucial element for any relationship, let alone a sexual relationship: contact. It lacks the spark. You don’t get to feel chemistry on a dating app. To me at least, it feels flat and two-dimensioned. I never know if pictures are real – let alone representative- or if my profile comes across differently than I meant it.
Also, I find the triage complicated. What kind of person am I looking for? My experience with dating another woman is more limited than with men. You see, I might have had sex with several women, but I’ve never been totally autonomous at that, without Xander. There is a difference between having some action in bed or in a club and actually dating another woman. I am also pretty sure that flirting between women develops differently than with men. All in all, I find myself in uncharted territory.
It is perhaps possible to become better at judging people online. But this might take more time than I am willing to spend on it right now. After all, this should stay fun and I am not sure I am having fun. Yet.
“Are you asking out the woman with the helmet who winked at you, babe?”
“I don’t know, Xander, what if I go out with her and she turns out to be stinky? Or dull as dishwater?”
“Come on, Aliki, if you don’t like her, you’ll just have a drink and leave, won’t you?”
Somehow, I am not yet convinced. Everything considered, I think I’d still prefer a night at a club with the girlfriends, hoping for a good, old-fashioned encounter with a hot bicurious woman.