Dirty talk – the power of swearing in bed
Is it normal that swearing in bed turns us on? And what is it about a good f#%k session that predisposes us to dirty talk?
Last night, somewhere between frantically printing pages for online schooling and midnight, Xander and I had sex. Against all odds, I’d say: we were both tired and in this lovey-dovey-but-I-can-be-arsed-to-move kind of mood.
It happens even to the best of us, I suppose: after the first five years or so, on nights like this, every now and then, you end up having sex with your socks on. Which is better than no sex at all, I guess.
Anyway, you get the gist: homey, comforting, cuddly love-making. We’ve all done it, it’s cute and cosy, nothing to be ashamed of.
Except that at some point, after the first ten minutes or so, I felt our mojo flaring up and it started feeling more like hot, exciting, sizzling sex. And as I started getting more and more vocal about it, Xander threw the bomb:
-You like it don’t you… like a good whore!
I didn’t hesitate to play ball.
-I do. But not as much as you like eating me up, right, my pussy-eater?
Our sense of decorum might not be great, but I will still spare you the description of the rest of the session. I am sure your imagination won’t fail you.
Swearing passes through the limbic system; so does intense sexual excitement
Dirty talk in bed
This was not the first time we used this kind of vocabulary in bed. Quite the opposite.
Xander and I both love languages and sexual provocation in equal measures. There are only few taboos we haven’t trespassed in bed together – and swearing at each other is not one of them.
It might sound like a paradox, but I assure you that all the swearing happens in an atmosphere of mutual respect and utmost attentiveness. We are not particularly foul-mouthed in our everyday life and we never-ever use heavy words against each other.
During dirty talk in bed we never set out to hurt or actually degrade each other and we never refer to any sensitive issues between us. It just wouldn’t work for us.
Xander being a gentleman in bed, however, he still checked with me afterwards whether I was still comfortable with the turn the evening had taken. It’s one of the many reasons why I love him – he manages to pull my hair, call me his bitch AND make me feel loved and safe while doing it. How good is that!
“Was it ok for you, baby? I hope I didn’t go too far or insult you in any way?
I smiled at my lover. “You know I like it when you talk dirty.”
Why is cursing in bed so exciting?
Now, before you dismiss us as perverts, let me share with with you the following:
- we are definitely not the only loving couple who swears at each other during sex. In fact, lots of people declare to be extremely turned on by cursing in bed. Presumably, the ones who declare otherwise, just don’t dare to admit it…
- there is a perfectly sound psychological explanation for cursing in bed.
You see, modern research seems to indicate that swearing is controlled by the deeper part of our brain, known as the limbic system, which is also the part of the brain where our instincts and emotions derive from.
Moreover, researchers theorize that the act of swearing relieves stress and blows off steam, just like crying does for small children. It makes sense that if swearing provides an outlet for strong emotions, we are more inclined to use it during orgasm and sex.
And then, of course, there is the thrill of breaking a taboo – the one of using words forbidden to us since childhood – which never fails to excite.
The science of swearing
Swearing is a subject that has attracted a lot of the attention of researchers around the world.
Dr. Emma Byrne, is one of them. In her book, Swearing is Good for You she claims that swearing is an emotional intensifier humans use in both negative and positive situations — including sex.
“Swearing enhances our emotions — whatever they might be.”
Professor Timothy Jay, from the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts, is another worldwide authority in the science of cursing and describes cursing as an “emotional release valve”.
“Swearing is mainly the language of emotion”, Jay explains. “A lot of people use it as a way to either get out their own passion or communicate passion to their partner.”
In my case with Xander, the fact that we are using another language – and not our mother tongue – makes us even more uninhibited.
At this age, I still find it difficult to tell somebody – let alone Xander – to fuck off in Greek. The English equivalent somehow sounds lighter, less offensive.
We are not alone in this. In fact, most people feel that words in their mother tongue language carry the most emotional impact compared to any other language they might be using.
Mind you, it’s not because the English language is in any kind inferior when it comes to its cursing potential. If you have any doubts, just check out the next video by Stephen Fry.
Do you like swearing in bed?
Just out of curiosity, do you swear in bed? Does it turn you on to hear your lover use taboo words? Are you ever tempted to foul-mouth your better half, but are not sure how they are going to react to it? Is swearing – in bed or otherwise – a taboo in your relationship? We’d love to hear your experiences!
Oh, and by the way… speaking of the power of words, we are proud to announce to you that we are preparing an interview with a master of words, the previously London based Greek stand-up comedian, Katerina Vrana. Stay tuned to check what she has to say about sex, love, black swans and the power of words!
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