How to choose your first swinging experience
You may be tempted to try out swinging, but how do you choose your first swinging experience?
Readers often ask us for advice on how to choose their first swinging experience, hence this post. You have talked about it for some time with your partner, and you are both open to the idea. What’s left is just that first step, the hardest of all: deciding how and where to do it. Don’t worry, it’s only a matter of setting a couple of things straight and you’ll be ready to hit the clubs swinging!
Here are a few Q&As to help you choose your first swinging experience:
1. Should we start by hiring a professional?
Many couples consider hiring an escort as a half-way step towards swinging. I understand. It is a milder form of non-monogamy which does away with the nerve-wracking experience of entering a Lifestyle club or party for the first time. You can call an escort in the safety of your own home or at a hotel you trust. The transaction part may be a dampener, but the advantage is that hiring a service makes it impersonal and less susceptible to neophyte jealousy attacks. A small side note here: a couple of hours with an escort might be thrilling, but is not swinging. The Lifestyle experience has much more breadth and depth.
Still, if this option works for you, keep a couple of things in mind :
1. Be utterly sure that paying for sexual services is legal in the country or state where you are staying. If not, drop it.
2. Choose a safe service and persons who are doing it voluntarily.
3. Do your homework in advance and be clear about what you expect and what the terms are when you contact them. If it looks seedy or dodgy, don’t pursue.
Another way to check out how comfortable you feel in bed with a third person is to try out a professional Tantra massage for couples. Respectable Tantra practitioners do not have full sex with patrons. But this doesn’t mean you cannot explore sexuality à trois. After all, penetration is sex, but sex isn’t just penetration!
2. Should we go to a club or a party?
Choosing our first swinging experience with Aliki was fun and exciting! From the moment Aliki’s fingers hit the keyboard (yes, it was her idea!) we realised that there are plenty of choices out there. Is it going to be at a Club? Shall we go for an exclusive sex party? Or shall we reach out to a Lifestyle couple and see if we can invite them over?
The answer is very subjective. It all depends on how you feel and what’s available around you. I’d say if in doubt, choose a club for the first time. At some point, further down the line, if you decide to delve deeper into the Lifestyle, clubs might start feeling too anonymous and a tad superficial. But it is precisely these reasons that make clubs ideal for a test run.
From our personal experience, green couples opt for anonymity and the freedom of looking around without the pressure of participating or performing. Makes sense. We too decided to go to a club for our first time and settled on Fata Morgana. Sure, we were nervous, but it turned out to be a memorable experience!
3. Should we go alone or with friends?
If you have swinger friends, you might be tempted to join them for your first time. Having someone to guide you for those first few moments certainly helps. I would still prefer to meet them at a club though. A two-on-two evening at yours or theirs might be too much for your first time around. Take your time to look around at a club -there will be plenty of new impressions- and feel free to decide your level of engagement.
And just in case you get cold feet, know that all swingers have been in your shoes and understand very well the concept of taking it easy. Most of our lifestyle acquaintances are relaxed people (why wouldn’t they? they sure get plenty of sex) and would never put any pressure on anyone, let alone newbies.
4. Which venue should we choose?
We suggest choosing a venue away from home for your first swinging experience -for several reasons. It could be at a place a couple of hours away from your town or a place you visit while travelling.
If you’re anything like us, the first time you’ll be stressed by a myriad things. The last thing you want to worry about is whether you will not run into your neighbour, your boss or the village vicar. Now the truth is that if you do, it wouldn’t be the end of the world either. But for the first time, you may want to do away with the extra stress.
In some countries or regions, swinging close to home is also tricky for social reasons. I have met several Indian couples who engage in the Lifestyle only when they’re travelling, for example. They say that it is the only way for them to practice swinging.
6. Should we just turn up at a swingers venue?
Before you buzz at the door make sure to check the website and the house rules. They are usually pretty straightforward and most clubs have similar standard rules. But small things, like dress code for him and for her, may vary. It’s handy to know in advance if they have a buffet, if drinks are included in the price, if they require a Membership etc.
Some clubs require prior or on-the-spot registration. I can almost hear you grumbling about divulging your identity. Don’t stress though! Registration is mostly for security. In some countries or regions, private clubs -as most swingers clubs are- are obliged to do so by law. That said, some of the clubs we’ve been to allow you to register with a pseudonym.
If you’ve chosen a party, it is even more important to check the conditions and the rules. Organisers set their own rules and each event is different.
Oh and one final thing. If you pick a venue in a foreign country, don’t forget to run a reality check before you set off. Make sure you are in a liberal state where swingers clubs are legal or at least tolerated.
7. Which night of the week is best?
This question is mostly valid for clubs. Obviously, forget Mondays to Wednesdays. Those are meant for Monopoly, homework and vanilla sex. Most swingers clubs are open Thursday to Sunday, with a different event each day of the weekend. Some nights are exclusively for couples, while others are open to single men.
For your first time, I would suggest choosing a couples-only evening. Witnessing a bukkake on your partner might have been a long-standing fantasy of yours, but the missus might not be up to it for her first brush with the Lifestyle. Couples-only events are usually open for single ladies too, which might be a plus. Hold your horses though. Unicorns are rare!
And one last piece of advice: Don’t over-plan!
I know what you are thinking. “Now you are telling me not to over-plan? What about the previous thousand words on how I should choose my first swinging experience?”
Fair enough. And I don’t mean you shouldn’t plan at all. My point is this. After choosing the setting, the more details you plan, the more you are in for a letdown. Let’s face it, the chances that everything will turn out exactly as you planned are slim. And not only that: if you try to stick to a prefixed plan you risk losing on experiences and opportunities you had not even thought of in advance.
So my advice, once you have chosen the venue, is to go there, relax and be open. Let the place, the evening, the people around you and your own partner surprise you.
Why, you might even surprise yourself in the end!
Photo credit: Fabrice de Bray, indiscreet Arts