Inviting a couple over for sex | the do’s and dont’s

dos and donts inviting couple over

Inviting a couple over for sex | the do’s and dont’s

The Lifestyle is not all about meeting at swingers’ clubs. At some point, you are likely to consider inviting a couple over for sex at yours.


Very early on, Aliki and I discussed how we felt about this. Our initial position was not to mix vanilla with Lifestyle. We were reluctant to befriend the people we sleep with, and unwilling to sleep with people we were already friends with. Over time, however, our position has evolved. Yet, it’s not every day that sex with guests is on the table (or anywhere else, for that matter). So what are the do’s and don’ts of inviting a couple over for sex?

Making friends with a Lifestyle couple.

We first got in touch with A&S through Madame O around two years ago, and after a few messages decided to meet up at Fun4Two. The attraction was immediate and reciprocal. It was not just their looks. From the start A&S were approachable and easy to talk to; the kind of people you instantly feel like getting to know better over a beer. 

That day after we left the Fun, we decided we would like to see A&S again. Perhaps in a more intimate environment. It was a first for us.

It took us a year to meet again, but we finally made it a couple of months ago. We went out for a casual meal and, afterwards, they came over to ours for a nightcap. As it happened, there was no sex. Both they and we had had a tough week, and we simply spent an hour or two chatting over a couple of whiskeys. Despite the lack of physicality, the evening was still a success. It allowed us to get to know each other better without the stress of having to perform. It normalised our relationship. When we said our goodbyes there was a sincere commitment to meet up someday soon.

And that day was yesterday.


Our (natural) reservations about inviting a couple over for sex 

Aliki and I know our boundaries by now, and we read each other rather well in these situations. But we still had some reservations.

Are we giving away too much? 

Inviting a Lifestyle couple over is not without any consequences. It is bound to reveal intimate things about us. Are we ok with Lifestyle friends knowing that much about us?

How will it unfold?

In a swingers’ club, the atmosphere is sexy to start with, and everyone around is in different stages of undress. The step from there to sex is but a small one. At home, however, how would this work out? With just the four of us together, wouldn’t the pressure to play be too high?

Will we feel trapped?

At Lifestyle clubs, we are used to mingling and withdrawing whenever we feel like it. If we need some couple-space, we just go fetch a drink. Not at home. If things become uncomfortable, we cannot just say ‘Hey guys, here is the PS4 controller. Enjoy Crash Bandicoot for a while…’ 

What is the correct level of courtesy?

Our friends were visiting over from another country. How do we welcome them without overdoing it? Do we let them take a hotel or do we offer them our guest bedroom? And do we take them out to a restaurant, a club or do we cook at home?

It is a long list of difficult questions. Oh why, oh why did we ever think it would be a great idea! Now, we know why. Because the answers are more straightforward than we thought.



The DO’s and DONT’s

Trust your gut feeling: If the couple you befriended look cool and behave nicely, then there is a great chance that they are, indeed lovely people. But if the knot in your stomach tells you otherwise, trust it and don’t invite.  

Invite when it’s right: If it works that you move from the club to your bedroom in the space of one evening, good for you. However, taking some time to get to know your new friends adds depth to your interactions.

Don’t rush: Yes, the four of you know that sex is on the menu. Pushing it in everybody’s face all the time while they’re trying to pin the sushi, however, might not be tactful. Let seduction play out. 

Be yourself: It is your home. You are the ones who need to set the tone. If you’re not yourselves, there is little chance that your guests will feel comfortable. 

Don’t over-complicate stuff: Aliki wanted us to cook for A&S. ‘It is more convivial and makes it easier to move things to the bedroom if the mood is right’, she said. It worked brilliantly. As long as you provide a decent but straightforward meal which makes your guests neither queasy nor uneasy, it should be fine. And if you don’t trust your culinary skills, ordering in or eating out works well too. 

Be open: In all likelihood, unless they are veteran swingers, your guests are also going to be a bit nervous. It’s good to be clear about what you can offer (sleep-over, dinner etc…) and make it equally clear that they should feel free to choose. It is also worth keeping an open line of communication as the evening progresses.

Don’t worry: This last ‘Don’t’ is very important. It will work out just fine. And if it doesn’t, you can chalk it down to experience!


If you’re not yourselves, there is little chance that your guests will feel comfortable


A sexy evening amongst friends  

We had a great evening with A&S. Any nervousness dissipated with the first Negroni. 

We chatted, laughed, shared our holiday plans and spoke of family, jobs and, of course, about sex. The most significant advantage of having Lifestyle friends is that you can talk to them about activities that you keep hidden from the rest of your acquaintances.

And when things moved to the sofa it was a smooth transition. The play was sexy, and the atmosphere remained light at all times. As A. very eloquently put it as the evening drew to a close: ‘It was a year and a half of extended foreplay, but it was worth it!’ 


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