Libertine lifestyle | 6 reasons why we engage in it
In a recent post I referred to a conversation with a friend of mine and two questions that he asked me. The first was about jealousy when seeing your partner interacting with other people. The second, even more pointed, was ‘Why do you do it ?’. In this case, “IT” is not a spider-like creature that haunts children but a healthy engagement in a libertine lifestyle on the part of Aliki and I.
It set me thinking, because it is, indeed, a very pertinent question.
6 reasons why Aliki and I engage in a libertine lifestyle:
1. It is part of a larger sexual space
I cannot underline enough how important this point is for us. Libertine behaviour is only one aspect of our sexual exploration, and not necessarily the most important one either. We believe that we can keep our passion alive by maintaining a common healthy sexual space where we talk about what we like/need/want and where we feel safe pushing the boundaries together. Adopting a libertine lifestyle is only one of those avenues. This creates a very important balance for us. The rest of that space is filled with sexual exploration just between Aliki and me, including discoveries such as tantra, the perfectioning of sexual techniques, like OMGYes, trying out new toys, watching porn together etc.
2. We feel like it and we like it
It is a simple answer but it is a basic truth. We do not really force ourselves. This is not to say that certain steps do not require a conscious decision to “jump in”, quite the contrary. But definitely neither Aliki nor I do things that deep down we don’t feel like doing.
3. We do it together
Whenever Aliki and I have been to swingers club or to a libertine event, we have always played together, as a couple. This works for us because in that environment we treat all the surroundings –including people- as one would treat sex toys: they are there enhance our pleasure and our experience. But they do not mean anything to us. This might sound cruel, given that we are talking about people, but it is not. Aliki and I are the same to the others, and I don’t want to be anything more. It doesn’t mean we don’t care about the other fellow humans – the “they don’t mean anything to us” refers to our emotions. It is a bit like being in night-club. The other party-goers are there to enhance the atmosphere for you and vice-versa.
4. It sexes us up
Being in a space where everyone is having sex is incredibly arousing. I mean it in a deep sort of way, not just being wet or hard. It appeals to a basic sexual arousal that stays for hours. Very often, Aliki and I continue having sex in our hotel room after the swingers club or the party is over. More than once. In fact our libido stays revved-up for a few days.
The images we create during libertine moments also stay with us, and we use them. When we are having sex, we often bring up images of each other in circumstances that made us tick. Recently she was telling how sexy she found it that a policewoman (off duty, let’s be clear!) went down on me. I remember her playing with a black guy and how horny it made me. And every time we recall these images –and several others- we relive the moments together!
5. It brings us closer
Ok, we did not go to our first swingers club saying “let’s go swinging to get closer”, but the truth is that by the time we had set foot inside Fata Morgana we had already discussed it so much that we had opened a stronger channel of communication between us. Stronger and healthier, because we were obliged to talk about sexual behavior, fantasies and limits that otherwise we might not have shared with each other. It goes even one step further. The decision to go to that first swinging experience forced both of us to look deeper into ourselves and to lift open the lid of that little black box of naughtiness that I believe each one of us has inside.
6. We are pushing our boundaries
Once we made the first step into the libertine world we also discovered other benefits. One of them is that we learned a lot: names of interesting establishments, libertine events that we would like to visit, networks, new positions, new sex-toys etc. But even more importantly, most of the people we meet are interesting and exciting (with a few exceptions)! Most of them have been longer in this lifestyle than us, some are newer. But from each of them we learn something new. This way we open more doors and realise more what we would like to do and what we would like to avoid;
Perhaps more important than the reasons why we engage in a libertine lifestyle are the reasons why we don‘t engage for. Or to put it in another way: what according to Aliki and me are the wrong reasons to adopt a libertine lifestyle. But I guess that would make an interesting topic for another post!