Valentine’s Day | February 14th or Friday the 13th?


Valentine’s Day | February 14th or Friday the 13th?

Valentine’s Day is once more upon us. It is supposed to be a slice of Eros’ rosy realm. Instead, it’s most likely Eris’ (goddess of discord) greatest moment of glory. It’s a day when many bemoan the state of affairs of their sex life. Others find themselves pondering whether they should break up before or after the dreaded customary dinner. And pretty much everybody else stresses about the gift – whether as a giver or a receiver. So should we make it redundant?

Ok. From now on, I promise to be more positive. Even if ever so slightly


Rediscovering Valentine’s Day 

February 14th, before becoming Valentine’s Day, was the Roman festival of Lupercalia. During this ancient feast, young men roamed the streets naked, playfully flogging any woman they came across. Apparently, many women made it a point to be locked outdoors on that day. ‘Oh honey! I was so spanked today! How unfortunate I misplaced the house key this very day!’

So, if you think we invented BDSM -or Valentine’s Day for that matter- think again. We can however rediscover the meaning of this celebration.


Lupercalia, by Andrea Camassei

‘Romancex’ anyone?

Aliki and I are not fans of the traditional Valentine’s Day. Firstly, we prefer the Roman version of affairs. Perhaps running naked around town might go a tad too far, but the point is that romantic love shouldn’t be separated from its sexual expression. In other words: Romance and Sex should be two sides of the same coin, two-pistons of the same engine, two aortas of the same heart… anyway, you get the gist.

I can’t help feeling that we’re missing a proper term here. Shall we call it “Romancex”?

Sometimes, Aliki and I have the feeling that in long-term relationships, sex and love often end up divorced. Sadly, couples frequently follow some time later. Expressions like ‘I love my wife even though I don’t desire her’ or ‘I appreciate my husband, he has become my best friend’ are quotes coming straight from a horror movie of zombie relationships. They make Valentine’s Day more like Friday the 13th than February the 14th.


365 Valentine’s Days a year

Left to its own devices, a long-term sexual relationship will unavoidably grow tepid. The trick is to keep working at it: talking openly about your sex life, planning special sex time and generally putting in a conscious effort. In this sense, Valentine’s day could perhaps function as an opportunity to kick-start your Romancex once again. But it shouldn’t be a one-off.

There’s no need to wait for Lupercalia -sorry, I meant Valentine’s Day-  to stoke the embers of your relationship. It’s a cliché, I know, but Valentine’s Day is 365 days a year. And this is the second qualm Aliki and I have with Valentine’s Day. We’re all in favour of it, as long it is not a unique celebration, but rather a special one in an otherwise healthy life of Romancex.


Try out a different Valentine’s day?

I’m aware that this would be a lousy post if I just railed at traditional Valentine’s Day without offering some suggestions. So, here are some thoughts:

Food: Avoid restaurants

Yep, not a good idea. Unless you go for nouvelle cuisine, you might end up eating and drinking too much to have hot sex afterwards. Not to mention that being surrounded by tables of love-struck couples partaking of the same set-menu takes all the romance out of it. Needless to say, the risk of eating badly is also higher than usual.

My suggestion? Try cooking a special meal together. Eroticism can be a surprising ingredient. I love teasing Aliki while she’s cooking; kissing her neck, nibbling at her ear or just holding her from behind while her hands are busy kneading dough.

And if you decide to go for a restaurant, then I suggest trying out a Dark Dining experience. The experience can be truly sensual!

Aubade Boite Desir Couple of Secrets

Valentine’s Gifts: Choose something together

Surprises can be romantic. But then he gets his watch, she receives her necklace and it all stops there. Valentine gifts could be something you choose together, to use together. That way, the present itself will be an invitation for further play (and no it’s not Monopoly I have in mind).

Have a look at Aubade’s Boîte à Désir, French for stylish naughtiness in a box. I recently bought Aliki the Sexy-Bunny box. Believe me, we’ve had some serious fun! You may also want to have a look at Velv’Or‘s range of cock-rings – especially the more affordable JNaja. A cock-ring might not be just a sex toy, but it sure as hell brings pleasure to both. Aliki swears by it.


Play together

Alternatively, you could decide to make this Valentine’s Day a bit more adventurous and visit a Swingers’ Club for the first time. Whereas a crowd of besotted diners may take away the appetite, a sea of naked couples is sure to give you some cravings at the very least.  If you choose this option check out our tips on what to wear for him, what she should take with her and how to swing safely. If this is too much for you, you can go for something lighter on the Romancex menu:  a trip to the spa, a tantric massage, some role-play

These are only my ideas of course. Aliki and I will probably have a light dinner at home and then do what we like doing best: spend some quality time with each other in bed (Sexy-Bunny here we come!). Whatever you do, make sure you rediscover what Valentine’s Day truly means for you and keep your Romancex alive!

PS: We would love to hear how you spent your Valentine’s Day!

Photo credit: / Andrea Camassei / Couple of Secrets




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